The Catalyst for Love

Drew’s Reminder,

    I just watched an interesting documentary on Netflix called The Scroll: Revelation.  It is a film where prominent spiritual figures and others share their inspiring stories about how their faith has guided them through trying times.  Bishop Hezekiah Walker was one of the featured presenters and his story was about divorce.  He says several times that he would not wish divorce on his worst enemy. He like most of us did not marry for divorce.  We marry to be married forever.  The advice that he gives his church is do not marry for love.  

     I found that advice very interesting.  It caught my attention and made me really focus because I wanted to understand what he was saying. I thought to myself shouldn't everyone marry for love?  Why else would you marry?  Doesn't the energy of love keep the marriage going?  How can you have a marriage without love?  As I continued to watch I learned he wasn't saying that.  He was saying that instead of marrying for love, we should all marry for relationship.  He went on to explain that the relationship will enhance the love.  It will make the love grow.  It will keep you together.  

     Sounds simple but it really hit home.  I've been married for 20 years.  I will always love my wife.  When I got married I said we would never divorce.  I am sure that is the same thing that most of us say when we get married.  Yet the divorce rate in this country is astronomically high in my opinion.  We all know some couple that has been divorced.  It's a normal fabric of our society.     No matter what I say divorce is a possibility because we are both imperfect human beings.  That is a fact of life.

      I think the pastor was right that the key to the marriage surviving is for the love to grow.  Growth is the engine to human life.  Without growth our lives deteriorate and eventually when the growth stops so does life.  We should focus on growth for our entire lives if we want to live a good life.  Some growth in life will happen because of our age.  But once we've finished all of our education and we have settled into our adult lives, the growth now is our responsibility.  Do not take that responsibility lightly.  It could lead to an unfulfilled life.  A life none of us want but some of us are currently living.  

     So when it comes to marriage you need to ensure your love for your partner continues to grow.  The love is limitless so never think that you are already there and things can’t get better.  They can and they will if you focus on your relationship.  Do you know that married couple that loves each other but doesn’t do anything together?  You don’t have to spend every living moment with your significant other but you do need to have a strong relationship.  You need to work at that relationship.  I have learned this on a personal level.  

    My wife and I are together today because of our relationship.  We have been best friends since I can remember.  We built that friendship one conversation at a time.  I still remember those lunches with her in college at Godfather’s Pizza where we would just talk.  At that time I never knew that this was the woman of my dreams.  I just enjoyed spending time with her.  We became such good friends that even when we broke up we continued to talk.  Our relationship continued to exist.  When we did decide to get married it was an easy decision because of that relationship.  We’ve been building on it every since and anytime we’ve hit a rocky road over the last 20 years all we needed to do was work on our relationship and it was back to smooth sailing.

  

    Some of the things we do to work on our relationship are so simple but the impact so great.  For example, we’ve both always tried to maintain our health through exercising and eating healthy.  In the early years we did most of this on our own, individually.  Once we started working out together it just added to our relationship.  We talked more.  We appreciated each other more.  To this day I love going for a run with her or even working out in the garage at the same time.  It doesn't end there.  We tailgate together.  We have a subscription to the Horizon Theater to see live plays together every year.  I never thought I would enjoy going to see plays as much as I do.  It's all thanks to my wife suggesting we do so.  We started traveling together without the kids once a year.  Those vacations have been some of the best times of my life.  We weren’t doing all of these things when we first got married and they didn’t all start at once.  They’ve all been added periodically throughout the last 20 years. 

    After listening to the pastor’s message I am now even more energized to continue to add to our relationship.  I love my wife more now than I ever have.  I don’t have a problem saying that.  That should be the goal every year.  Our love should grow.  Our love will grow.  It will grow because we will continue to work on our relationship.  If you are married or thinking about getting married this is your reminder to do the same.  Work on your relationship and the love will grow.  Your relationship with your partner is the key to experiencing marriage to its fullest.  When we grow we experience all of life to its fullest.   As always, I wish you the best and enjoy the journey!

With Gratitude,

Drew