Fake "It" Until You Make "It"

     

     No, I haven't gotten a job working for ESPN College Gameday. I've never even been paid for a speaking engagement.  I've never been paid to be an actor on TV.  However, someone who works on ESPN, get's paid to speak or acts on camera has confidence.  That is a trait I used to lack.  I say used to because over time my confidence has changed.  I am now more confident than I've ever been at any point of my life.  I got there because I decided to fake "it" until I made "it".

     Here is a fact that you need to be reminded of daily.  How you think will determine your success.  It is determining it as we speak.  Every since you were a child it determined every major outcome of your life.  Yet many of us don't take the time to work on our thinking even though we know how important it is.  It is the one thing no one can take away from us.  It is the one thing we can impact everyday in every situation.  

     

     As an example, no one can make you mad.  You decide to get mad based on how you think about the action they have taken.  When that person cuts in front of you on the highway you decide to get mad.  You decide to flip the bird.  You decide to yell cuss words at them even though they can't hear a word you are saying.  You decide to let that one instance send you to work with a bad attitude while that person drives away feeling like nothing happened.  You control your thinking.    You have convinced yourself that your thinking is keeping it "real".  However, you are missing the point that you create your "real".  You say to yourself, let's keep it "real", if someone disrespect's me I have to get mad.  If I'm broke and can't pay my bills I have to be sad.  If my girlfriend is unfaithful I have to feel unloved.  If my boss doesn't like me I don't stand a chance of improving my career.  In your mind all of those are non-negotiable facts.  The only fact is that you have decided to think like this.  You could change that thinking if you wanted to.  You are in total control.

      The one thing we can't control is the fight or flight response that is biologically within us.  That is nature's way of protecting us.  It is actually hard wired in the brain to help us survive the most dangerous situations.  But that response is all about protection.  It shouldn't be confused with your automatic response to get mad or get upset.  That actually doesn't protect us at all.  In many cases it actually will put you in harm's way.  Your being upset may cause you to lose concentration on what you should be doing and cause you to have an accident.  It may cause you to react to a situation in a way that you wouldn't have if you would have stayed calm.  There are many people locked up in jail or even worse, no longer with us, because they did something while angry that cause them or someone else harm.  They did something they wish they had never done. That reaction they had was all based on their thinking.

      They say hindsight is 20/20.  Hindsight is defined as thinking about things after they have happened.  Of course 20/20 is defined as perfect vision.  So the phrase hindsight is 20/20 is representing the fact that you always know what you should have done after it happened. However, you know what you should do right now. The issue is how much will power will you have to do the right thing when you are faced with a  tough decision. The only way to build up will power is to create a reserve within your mind that you can tap into in times of need.  You need to exercise your thinking.  The more you practice thinking a certain way the easier it will be to access that thinking when faced with a stressful situation.  But it doesn't have to be a stressful situation it can also be an opportunistic situation.  You must always be prepared for the best.  That is why you must fake "it" until you make "it".  

     I'm sure you've heard that phrase used many times.  It is an active way of thinking.  You really aren't faking "it".  What you are doing is putting your mindset into the thinking that you want it to be at when you reach the "it".  If you have aspirations of being a CEO and running your own company, you must begin practicing thinking like a CEO now.  That way when the opportunity to be a CEO shows itself you will be ready.  You will be successful.  You will create that reality because you have already been thinking like a CEO.  Being a CEO is a cliche example.  The same goes for being a great wife or a husband.  If you are single and want to be married you must begin thinking like a great married person now.  The same goes for being at your ideal weight. You have to begin thinking like someone who is at their ideal weight.  You can't just sit around and wait for things to happen.  You must make them happen and it all starts with your thinking. 

     There are many examples of good things you should think to help you be successful.  You also need to practice how you will think in a stressful situation.  You must practice being at peace.  You must practice act of forgiveness.  You must practice thinking happy thoughts.  You must practice having confident thoughts.  Practice is so important because it wires your brain to work the same when called upon.  We all know people who have practice to play an instrument and now they can do it easily.  Remember when you first drove a car?  After many years of practice it just comes so natural to you.  The same goes for riding a bicycle.  Now how much practice have you completed that was focused on your thinking?  If there answer is not much, you may want to consider how important thinking is to your success.  

      I've borrowed a formula from life coach Brooke Castillo because I think she has it 100% right.  Your thoughts create your feelings, your feelings create your actions and your actions create your results.  It all starts with you thinking.  Get control of it and the rest will follow.  In order to do that you have to get out of your own way.  We tend to get in our own way by holding onto beliefs that don't serve us.  That's the other part of the formula that I didn't mention.  Your beliefs will have a huge impact on your thinking.  Some of those beliefs were passed down to you from your parents. Some of those beliefs are yours that you developed.  Regardless of where they came from it is up to you to decide if your beliefs are benefiting you or are they holding you back.  This will be difficult  because if you believe it you will resist thinking that it is holding you back.  You will hold on as hard as you can to your beliefs.  Let me make a point to help you understand.  

      There are many prejudice people  out there that truly believe that races shouldn't mix.  They truly believe that their race is superior to others.  Because of those beliefs they think certain ways that aren't benefiting them.  They will swear up and down that those beliefs aren't holding them back.  Yet everyone reading this blog knows that holding a belief about an entire race is not a beneficial belief.  If I have to convince you of that, I'm sorry you can close this browser right now and read something else.  I only use such a harsh example because we all have beliefs that we hold on to in that same manner.  Sometimes it will take someone outside of you to help you see that the belief isn't benefiting you.  You won't be able to see it by yourself.  That's where a good life coach will come in handy.  It's also where a good book, a good mentor or a good blog will come in handy.  If you are truly looking to improve your life you must go into this with an open mind.  The first thing you must realize is that your life isn't what you want it to be because of you.  Take ownership and quickly forgive yourself.  You are human.  Stuff happens.  Once you realize that it will be easier for you to take action to improve your life.  Some of those actions will be to change some of your beliefs so you can think the way you need to think to get the results you want out of life.  Once you are able to think in the manner that will benefit you, you must then practice thinking that way.  You must exercise your mind.  That will prepare you for all the things life will throw at you.  Some of those things will be bad and some of those things will be good.  You must be prepared to handle both.

     You may be asking yourself how do I know if my thinking is not benefiting me?  If you return back to the formula I mentioned above you will see that feelings are your dashboard.  If you aren't feeling good then something is wrong.  If you are upset, if you are stressed, if you are complacent, if you are annoyed, if you are sad, if you are resentful...etc..something is wrong.  These are signs that you need to investigate your thinking to see how you can get it back on track so that you are feeling happy, relaxed, optimistic, grateful, etc.  The reason you need to do this is your feelings will determine the actions you take.  Those actions are the source for all of your results.  If you want great results you need to take great actions.  You take better actions when you feel great.  I hope you can see that.  It is a formula that works.  You just need to follow it.  Of course we are all human and will not always feel great.  We will however, always know how we feel if we take the time to be aware.  That knowledge will allow you to take action when needed to get your thinking back on track so that you are feeling emotions that benefit you.  This is a constant battle that we have to win everyday.  I hate to use the term battle because it makes it sound bad.  It isn't bad.  It is a gift that we as human beings we should be happy to have.  We can create our own reality with our own thinking.  That is a wonderful thing that will get you wonderful results if you try.  If not you can be prepared to just let life happen as it does.  We all know how well that works.

     So take this reminder and put it to use.  If you aren't in the position you want to be right now start thinking like you would if you were.  That thinking will get you there every time.  Your life deserves this effort.  You deserve this effort.  The most beautiful aspect of it all is that it isn't a tremendously difficult effort.  It's not like running a marathon or saving 80% of your pay.  It just takes some awareness and will power to get you there.  Both of those things bring benefits on there own merit alone.  The more aware you are the more grateful you will be.  The more will power you have the more you will get accomplished.  So if you aspire to have wealth then start to think like a wealthy person.  How does a wealthy person think?  A wealthy person thinks there are always opportunities to make more money.  They may not know what they are but they know if they look they will find them.  A wealthy person knows they should honor their wealth by saving some of it and not spending it just because they can.  A wealthy person also thinks they should share their wealth in forms of charity because they can.  Most poor people don't think that way.  They think it's hard to make money.  They think they should spend the money and buy nice things just because they can.  They believe they shouldn't give any of their money away because it’s theirs and they are worried about getting more.

   

      Don't get me wrong, that poor person is in a bad situation.  They don't have any money.  However, as soon as they decide to fake "it" until they make "it", they put themselves on a path to actually achieve "it".  Once they change their mindset and thinking they will take different actions.  They will take a chance on a business because they know deep down it will make money.  They will believe it's easy to make money if I find the right business to accomplish it.  They will decide not to splurge just because.  They will know they have plenty of opportunity to buy nice things and they will do it when the time is right.  They will give freely to those in need because they know it's the right thing to do. They will know that by giving they will eventually receive back.  It's a totally different form of thinking.  However, it's a necessary form of thinking if they ever want to get out of poverty.

      Your circumstance may not be that dire.  You just might need to start thinking more confidently.  You may need to stop thinking like a victim and accept your responsibility for your situation.  You may need to change your thinking about love and how it can be maintained over a lifetime of marriage.  You may need to change your thinking on your self worth and your ability to do whatever you set your mind to do.  Whatever you desire you need to find the right thinking that will help you achieve your desire.  You must sit down and truly think through your life, your beliefs and your thinking.  If you find out your aren't where you want to be after this exercise you need to start to fake "it" until you make "it".  You may have to tell yourself to start thinking like a confident person until you become that confident person.  You may have to do that for all of the examples above.  It may sound like a lot of work.  It may sound like an insurmountable task.  It is not.  It is a necessary task you are fully capable of doing and one that you must do.  Luckily you have a choice.  I can't make it for you.  I can only hope that you take the opportunity to work on your thinking.  As always I wish you the best and I implore you to enjoy the journey.      

With gratitude,

Drew