Desires and beliefs

Drew’s Reminder,

 “Desires and beliefs”  

     I am not a salesman.  I don't work well by myself.  I wasn't born to be athletic.  After the wedding real life starts and all that passionate stuff in the beginning dissipates.  You can't teach an old dog a new trick.  Love just doesn't love me.  I am just not ready right now.  I'll do it when I'm ready. Do any of these statements sound familiar?  Maybe you've said them before or maybe you've heard someone else say them.  I consider all of those statements limiting beliefs.

     What is a limiting belief?  A limiting belief is any belief you have that is getting in the way of you reaching your potential.  This definition get's tricking because thinking that your potential is limited itself is a limited belief.  So we have to get over that hurdle first.  You see you were born in the likeness of your creator.  You were born in a world of abundance.  You are one with this world; therefore you have access to all of its abundance.  As I stated over and over again, everything you need is already within you.

      I know, all of that sounds like pie in the sky.  Skeptics will say everyone can't have everything they want.  That statement is also a limited belief.  However, I will accept the rebuttal and agree.  You won't get everything you want out of life.   I mean that in the literal sense.  You will not just stand up and say I want to be a physicist and tomorrow you'll be a physicist.  But what you can have are your true desires.  Let me ask you a question.  Have you clearly defined your desires in life?

     I know many of you will say, of course I know what my desires are.  If that was your answer then you missed the question.   The question was have you clearly defined your true desires.  Once you clearly define your desires you can put an action plan in place to achieve them.  Without clear definition you will not be able to get to your final destination.  It's kind of like saying you are going to go on vacation to a beach and not having a clear plan.  Imagine packing all of your clothes, getting in the car and turning on the GPS.  If you don't have the exact address in the GPS you will just go in a general direction.  If you choose south you may eventually end up at a beach.  However, when you get there, where are you going to stay?  What if there isn't any vacancy because there is a big event happening at the time your arrived?  What if you end up at a community that is only houses and there are no hotels in the area to even choose?

     Of course, most of you would not handle a vacation like that.  If you have a week of vacation you will decide months ahead of time where you want to go.  You will research locations so you get exactly what you want out of the vacation.  You will decide what you will do everyday.  You will decide where you will stay.  You will research the restaurants to decide where you will eat.  You will take direct action so the vacation is exactly like you want it to be.  If you go somewhere you've never been before you will accept the fact that things may not go exactly as planned.  You may get there and decide to eat somewhere other than the restaurants you researched.  You may do some activities that you hadn't planned to do months before.  You will plan but you are perfectly acceptable if things don't go exactly as planned as long as it’s a good vacation.

      I gave that example because you should clearly define your desires in life in the same manner.  The problem is many of us don't.  Many of us will say what we desire and just do the best we think we can to achieve it.  Many of us will say, "I desire a good paying job"?  Others will say, "I want a big house with a basement."  One of the most common sayings is, "I want to get married and have kids."  Those are all desires.  However, they aren't clearly defined.  Combine the lack of definition and any limiting beliefs you have and you will struggle to get any of them.  You may end up getting everyone one of them and still not be happy because you lacked definition of the true desire.

     I don't know what your limiting beliefs are; all I know is that you have them.  Your beliefs are the foundation of the results you are receiving in your life.  You create your own reality.  If you believe you will fail, you will fail.  If you believe you will be successful, you will be successful.  Life seems complicated to most and the only way to handle that complexity is to break it down to its simplest form.  You will have to do some work to break the complexity down.  You have to define your desires and remove your limiting beliefs.  Both tasks will take some work.  Analyze your desires and write them down in detail.  You have to know what they are to take action to bring them to life.  Everything you need to bring them to life is already within you.  You have to do the work to make them a reality.  You also have to analyze and acknowledge your limiting beliefs.  Once you know what they are you have to eliminate them by telling yourself better stories about them.  No one else can do this for you.  I can tell you over and over again how great you are or how you can have whatever you desire.  However, nothing will come of it until you belief it yourself.  If you believe it yourself you will tell yourself better stories about your life and thus eliminate your limiting beliefs.

      Let's take the desire, "I desire a good paying job."   How could you define that in more detail to ensure your success?  That is something you have to answer for yourself.  I will tell you how I would rephrase that desire with the detail necessary.  I don't just desire a good paying job.  I desire a job that allows me to take an idea and make it a reality.  I am a very creative person and want to access that skill every opportunity that I can.  I want to be paid enough money to comfortably live the life style I desire to live today.  That includes traveling without concern for cost, paying my children's college tuition, buying my wife diamonds, owning property in the Caribbean and growing my relationships with my family and friends.  I desire a job in a setting where my voice is heard and my opinion is requested.  I want to influence decisions from the lowest level employee to the head of the company.  I want a job that respects my work life balance and allows me to decided how and when to get the work done. 

     Now let's look at potential limiting beliefs you may have about getting a good paying job.  I may think that no one is going to pay my $175,000 a year because no one is paying that type of money unless you (fill in the blank).  If you believe that then you will never make $175,000 a year unless you (whatever you filled in the blank with).  However, I guarantee there's someone out there making that salary that doesn't have that (fill in the blank).   You may believe that once you reach a certain salary level you automatically lose your work life balance.  I guarantee there's someone out there making that salary and maintaining a great work life balance.  You may believe that no one will listen to you because of the level of job you are in and therefore you can't influence decisions.  I can go on and on.

     So instead of thinking those limiting beliefs, tell yourself better stories.  Tell yourself that although it may seem that I will not get a job paying me $175,000 unless I (fill in the blank); I believe when I put in the right action plan I can get a job paying me $175,000.  Although many people seem to lose their work life balance once they reach a certain level; I believe I can reach that level in the right job and maintain my work life balance.  Although it may seem difficult for others to influence decisions; I believe when I put the appropriate actions in place I can influence decisions at all levels of my company.  All of those are examples of better stories.  They all will help you achieve your desires.  They will not limit you.  You don't need limitations.  You need to believe in order to achieve.  Instead of letting your beliefs hold you back, use your beliefs to propel you forward.  Everything you need is already within you.  Believing that statement is your first step.  Let this serve as your reminder.  Enjoy the journey!    

With gratitude,

Drew

LOVE

Drew’s Reminder,

Love.

     This weekend I had the pleasure of being the best man in my best friend’s wedding.  Although I’m less than a month away from being 45 years old, this was my first time being a best man.  I was very appreciative that the groom wanted me to play such an important role in this special time in his life.  The moment itself lived up to everything I thought it could be. It should be of no surprise that the overall them of the weekend was love.  The best part of it all was that it wasn’t only about the love of the newlyweds. 

     You see a wedding is so much more than a wedding.  For example a wedding is a mini family reunion.  I say mini because most times the entire family may not be able to make the event but many will.  I really enjoyed meeting members of both the bride’s and groom’s family.  The bride’s brother and brother-in-law were groomsmen as well so we had plenty of opportunity to bond. The groom’s cousins were groomsmen also.  The bride’s father, whom I had met a few months earlier, was without a doubt a man to respect and an architect for the family.  Of all the family I must highlight the bride’s brother and the love he shared for his daughter.  He brought his 7 year old daughter with him for the wedding and she was part of the wedding party.  To see their interaction was a thing of beauty.  There is no doubt he loves his little girl.  I would find out later that she doesn’t live with him so he drives 4-6 hours one way every other weekend to pick her up just so he can spend time with her.  That was no surprise based on the way he treated his daughter.  He was attentive, caring and nurturing every moment she was around.  Being a father of 3 beautiful girls myself I could really relate to his love for his little girl.  I could tell that he wasn’t acting this way just because of the wedding; this was how he was with her all the time.  I really enjoyed seeing the love of family.

     The weekend started with a bachelor party on Thursday evening.  As the best man it was my responsibility to plan for it and I did feel a little pressure to make sure it was right.  The groom told me over and over that he just wanted to have a nice meal and keep it laid back.  I was more worried about the rest of the groomsmen and their expectations.  I didn’t know any of the groomsmen.  They consisted of two of the groom’s cousins and two of his future brother-in-laws.  Unfortunately all of them were from out of town so I didn’t get a chance to meet them until the day of the event.  All of my concerns were for nothing as the night went off very well.  We didn’t do anything crazy.  We had some great adult cocktails, some good laughs and a good time.  It was a great start to the weekend and the beginning of us getting to know each other.  On Friday we all attended the rehearsal and continued to bond.  Finally, we all met early for the wedding and dressed in our own little house on the grounds of the wedding location.  While dressing we played music, took pictures, had plenty of laughs and continue to get to know each other.  I can truly say based on this weekend I’ve met some new friends.  We’ve all committed to planning a fellas trip to Houston soon so we can all get back together and hang out again.  This was a true example of brotherly love.

     The wedding itself was a perfect example of a vision and a dream becoming reality.  It was set at a beautiful outside venue on the grounds of a Georgia mountain.  The weather was perfect and everything went exactly as planned.  The wedding was held less than a quarter of a mile from a train track and there were some concerns that a train may travel through during the ceremony.  Several trains came through during the time we were there but none during the ceremony.  The ceremony was just meant to be perfect.  Knowing the bride and groom personally as I do, I could really see the love that they shared that day.  I've seen it before and knew that their union was inevitable.  Yet on that day there love was amplified.  You could feel it in the air.  You could see it in their faces.  To no surprise the bride was prepared and strategically placed some tissue in her dress because she knew she would cry during the ceremony.  To many others' surprise, the groom’s eyes swelled with tears as well.  I’ve been through a lot with the groom and I knew he was in a great place in his life.  I knew he was happy.  I knew he was in love.  It was a beautiful example of a couple’s love.

     At the reception I had to give a toast to the bride and groom.  I decided that instead of telling a funny story about the groom or giving marital advice, I would make a promise to both of them.  To the groom, I made the promise to always remind him through good and bad times that the love he shares with his wife is infinite and abundant.  Love is the greatest of all energies and it can neither be created nor destroyed.  I promised to remind him that the only thing that could ever stop him from having that love is him deciding not to have it.  I promised the bride that whenever the groom came to talk to me in frustration about his wife being too demanding (because that’s what wives do :-) ), I would again remind him of the same thing.  The beauty of all the love that I witnessed this weekend is that it doesn't take a wedding for us to experience love.  The same butterflies and deep emotion that everyone felt during the ceremony are available to us all if we choose to access it.  Yes, life can be demanding and ultimately distract you from accessing the love available to you.  You must make the choice on whether you let it or not.  I choose not to.  I choose to experience love as often as humanly possible.  That is both giving it and receiving it.  It shouldn’t take a wedding to get anyone to experience love but it did serve as a beautiful reminder.  Although you may or may not have attended a wedding this weekend consider yourself reminded too.  Now go out and experience some love.  Enjoy the journey!

With gratitude,

Drew

Use gratitude to release your sorrows.

Drew’s Reminder,

 “Use gratitude to release your sorrows.” 

     This week’s topic is about a subject that is near and dear to my heart, gratitude.  I have learned a lot about gratitude over the last two years.  There is no shortage of information available that I didn’t even know existed.  If I wouldn’t have had my own experience with gratitude I doubt I would have ever known the information existed.  After all, it did take me 40+ years to finally get it.  Now that gratitude holds such an important place in my life experiences I feel compelled to share what I’ve learned to help others fully realize the power of gratitude.

     Earlier last week I posted a photo on Instagram.  It wasn’t a photo of a beautiful scene in nature; it was just a story that made me think about gratitude.  The story read:

LESSON IN LIFE

A wise man sat in the audience and cracked a joke.

Everybody laughs like crazy.

After a moment, he cracked the same joke again.

This time, less people laughed.

He cracked the same joke again and again.

When there is no laughter in the crowd,

He smiled and said:

You can’t laugh at the same joke again and again,

but why do you cry over the same thing

over and over again?

     Without adding any commentary this story does its job to make you think about drowning in your sorrows.  It’s written for those of you out there that can’t seem to get past something bad that has happened in your life.  Maybe you have done something that you continue to beat yourself up about.  Maybe something has been done to you or someone else that you just can’t seem to get past. Either way the emotion of being down will be detrimental to you if you let it linger for long periods of time. 

     The emotion of being happy however, has been proven to have a positive effect on your life.  There are many studies showing how laughter can actually help you heal faster if you are sick.  We all know the intrinsic value of our happy friend.  The happy friend that comes into the room and makes everyone feel good.  It’s contagious. It’s the kind of energy we all want to catch.  Yet, sometimes we get in our own way from allowing that happy energy into our lives.

     So why do some cry over the same thing over and over again?  There are many answers to that question and in the end we all have our different reasons.  I don’t want to try and find the reason why you do it.  I want to give you a tool to help keep you from doing it at all. 

     One powerful tool that immediately comes to mind is forgiveness.  Whether it’s forgiving yourself or others, the result is the same.  If you can truly forgive then you can move on and not wallow in the fact that it happened.  But forgiveness doesn’t work in every situation.  Sometimes there’s nothing to forgive.  Sometimes things just happen that we didn’t expect to happen and it makes us sad.  In many of those cases we end up sad because we don’t understand why it happened. 

     Do you need to forgive yourself for something you’ve done?   Do you need to forgive someone else for something they’ve done that has affected you?  Do you need to stop being sad about something that happened that no one could control? I have the perfect tool that will help in all of the situations above.  That tool is gratitude.

     Let’s tackle forgiveness first.  If you are having a hard time forgiving yourself or someone else, I want you to add gratitude to your tool kit.  Even if you don’t have a hard time forgiving you should still find a way to incorporate gratitude into your forgiveness.  The first thing that you need to realize is that you don’t actually know whether something “bad” is actually “bad” for you life.  Yes, it may hurt right now but there is always something that you can or will learn from what has happened.  You need to take the time to identify that something and then be grateful for it.  I could go through a long list of examples of dumb stuff I have done over my lifetime.  I won’t because some of them are just too embarrassing to share.  Yet, I am grateful for each and every dumb thing I have done.  I’m not grateful I did them.  I’m grateful that I’ve learned something from each and every one of them and it has molded me into the person I am today.  When I analyze each situation for the silver lining it actually helps me forgive myself in the end.  This works the same when it comes to forgiving someone else for something they’ve done as well. 

     The second situation involves something sad that has happened but there’s no one to forgive.  These things just happen.  Think of a natural disaster.  If you lose a loved one in a freak accident it will make you very sad.  However, at some point you are going to need to address your sadness to keep it from being detrimental to you.  The best way to address it is to search for the silver lining in the situation at hand.  In my opinion many times this is much easier.  You can be grateful for the time you did have with that loved one.  You can be grateful for the fact that you are still here and you can live a happy productive life.   No matter what you choose to be grateful for there is something.  It’s up to you to find it.

     Gratitude is a powerful tool because it focuses our thoughts on the things that we are happy about.  That focus will actually attract more of what you are grateful for into your own existence.  If you are grateful for your strength, you will be stronger.  If you are grateful for your persistence, you will be more persistent.  If you are grateful for the good times you’ve had, you will have more good times.  If you are grateful for the roof over your head and your ability to afford it, you will attract more into your life to keep that roof right where its supposed be.  The list goes on and on.  It is up to you to build that list and then acknowledge it.

     Trust me, I know how difficult this can be at times.  Yet, that cannot be an excuse not to do it.  We create our own reality.  Sometimes that will take some work.  That work is always worth it in the end.  The most important work we can do is the work that we do on ourselves.  In this case work is not a four-letter word.  It is a wonderful solution to being happy.  If there is something that has been bringing you down, take a moment to do some work to bring you back up.  Have a moment of gratitude.  I’m having one right now.  If I hadn’t lost my job two years ago I wouldn’t be typing this reminder right now and for that I am grateful.  I hope this reminder helps you find your moment too.  Enjoy the journey!

With gratitude,

Drew

Hard vs Challenging

Drew’s Reminder,

Hard vs Challenging.

     This week’s blog is all about your mind and your thoughts.  Just to set the stage I want to go over a couple of topics about our minds.  If you’ve done any research on the mind you’ve learned that at a minimum we all have a conscious and a subconscious mind.

     The subconscious mind is always at work.  It keeps your heart beating, your lungs breathing and it holds all of your beliefs.  The subconscious mind is the key to every thing you achieve in this world.  You can substitute the word achieve with manifest if you like.  Your thoughts create your reality.  You may have seen me or someone else post that sentence.  You read it with your conscious mind.  You have an opinion that you express with your conscious mind.  But your belief of it resides in your subconscious mind.  If you truly believe that statement then your subconscious mind is the force that will work direct your thoughts to align with that belief.

     Alignment is the power that fuels your success.  If your thoughts, actions and words are all aligned to your desires then you stand a grand chance of getting everything you desire.  However, when your thoughts, actions and words are not aligned, it is difficult, if not impossible to achieve the results you desire.  Therefore it is key that we work on alignment to help us get to where we ultimately want to be.  So what does all of this have to do with hard vs. challenging?

     Let me start to explain by thinking about the word hard.  The definition of hard is something that requires a great deal of endurance or effort.  When we think of something hard it is usually not a good thing we look forward to doing.  Many of us would like to avoid something hard all together if we could. Many people associate the feeling of pain with something hard.  Many will dread do something hard.  In a nutshell, hard is usually associated with something negative in our lives that is to be avoided.

     Now let's discuss the word challenge.  One of the many definitions of challenge is difficulty in a job or undertaking that is stimulating to one engaged in it.  So a challenge is both difficult and stimulating.  When we think that something will be a challenge we generally may not look forward to the difficulty but we do look forward to the stimulation.  The stimulation is usually the fuel that gets us through the difficulty while maintaining a good attitude.  Many of us look forward to a challenge because of the stimulation.  We also look forward to a challenge because we generally believe we can get it done and even if we fail it was well worth the effort.

      The difference between hard and challenging is important.  It is important because our words play a vital role in aligning to our beliefs.  As an example if you get to work tomorrow and get handed a tough assignment, how you think about it is important to how it will get completed.  We have all had tough assignments at work.  If you look back at it you have either successfully completed each one or you failed but learned something useful for your next tough assignment.

      Are you the person that gets that tough assignment and then says to yourself, "Damn this is going to be hard"?  When you say to yourself it will be hard you are basically aligning with the belief that it will be something you will not enjoy.  It will be something you will dread doing.  It will be something painful to complete.  You may think you are saying it in jest but your subconscious has been trained to believe something hard is not a good thing.  You will then align your thoughts and actions to something that isn't good.  You will create your own reality.

      Now take that same tough assignment and tell yourself, "this will be challenging".  The assignment will still be difficult but because you see it as a challenge you will be stimulated along the way.  You will look forward to that stimulation.  You will create a stimulating environment to get through the difficulty of the assignment. You will have a totally different experience as you complete the same exact assignment.

      You create your own reality.  Your subconscious holds beliefs that create your reality.  Your thoughts, words and actions need to be in alignment with those beliefs to fuel your success.  You have total control over your thoughts, words and actions.  Since you have control why not do everything in your power to make them beneficial to you.  Align your thoughts, words and actions to your beliefs  and you are well way to achieving all that you desire.  You are only getting in your own way if you choose not to.  This is a reminder to always make the choice that is right for you.  Monitor your thoughts, words and actions so they align with what you truly desire.  Enjoy the journey!

With Gratitude,
Drew