The Catalyst for Love

Drew’s Reminder,

    I just watched an interesting documentary on Netflix called The Scroll: Revelation.  It is a film where prominent spiritual figures and others share their inspiring stories about how their faith has guided them through trying times.  Bishop Hezekiah Walker was one of the featured presenters and his story was about divorce.  He says several times that he would not wish divorce on his worst enemy. He like most of us did not marry for divorce.  We marry to be married forever.  The advice that he gives his church is do not marry for love.  

     I found that advice very interesting.  It caught my attention and made me really focus because I wanted to understand what he was saying. I thought to myself shouldn't everyone marry for love?  Why else would you marry?  Doesn't the energy of love keep the marriage going?  How can you have a marriage without love?  As I continued to watch I learned he wasn't saying that.  He was saying that instead of marrying for love, we should all marry for relationship.  He went on to explain that the relationship will enhance the love.  It will make the love grow.  It will keep you together.  

     Sounds simple but it really hit home.  I've been married for 20 years.  I will always love my wife.  When I got married I said we would never divorce.  I am sure that is the same thing that most of us say when we get married.  Yet the divorce rate in this country is astronomically high in my opinion.  We all know some couple that has been divorced.  It's a normal fabric of our society.     No matter what I say divorce is a possibility because we are both imperfect human beings.  That is a fact of life.

      I think the pastor was right that the key to the marriage surviving is for the love to grow.  Growth is the engine to human life.  Without growth our lives deteriorate and eventually when the growth stops so does life.  We should focus on growth for our entire lives if we want to live a good life.  Some growth in life will happen because of our age.  But once we've finished all of our education and we have settled into our adult lives, the growth now is our responsibility.  Do not take that responsibility lightly.  It could lead to an unfulfilled life.  A life none of us want but some of us are currently living.  

     So when it comes to marriage you need to ensure your love for your partner continues to grow.  The love is limitless so never think that you are already there and things can’t get better.  They can and they will if you focus on your relationship.  Do you know that married couple that loves each other but doesn’t do anything together?  You don’t have to spend every living moment with your significant other but you do need to have a strong relationship.  You need to work at that relationship.  I have learned this on a personal level.  

    My wife and I are together today because of our relationship.  We have been best friends since I can remember.  We built that friendship one conversation at a time.  I still remember those lunches with her in college at Godfather’s Pizza where we would just talk.  At that time I never knew that this was the woman of my dreams.  I just enjoyed spending time with her.  We became such good friends that even when we broke up we continued to talk.  Our relationship continued to exist.  When we did decide to get married it was an easy decision because of that relationship.  We’ve been building on it every since and anytime we’ve hit a rocky road over the last 20 years all we needed to do was work on our relationship and it was back to smooth sailing.

  

    Some of the things we do to work on our relationship are so simple but the impact so great.  For example, we’ve both always tried to maintain our health through exercising and eating healthy.  In the early years we did most of this on our own, individually.  Once we started working out together it just added to our relationship.  We talked more.  We appreciated each other more.  To this day I love going for a run with her or even working out in the garage at the same time.  It doesn't end there.  We tailgate together.  We have a subscription to the Horizon Theater to see live plays together every year.  I never thought I would enjoy going to see plays as much as I do.  It's all thanks to my wife suggesting we do so.  We started traveling together without the kids once a year.  Those vacations have been some of the best times of my life.  We weren’t doing all of these things when we first got married and they didn’t all start at once.  They’ve all been added periodically throughout the last 20 years. 

    After listening to the pastor’s message I am now even more energized to continue to add to our relationship.  I love my wife more now than I ever have.  I don’t have a problem saying that.  That should be the goal every year.  Our love should grow.  Our love will grow.  It will grow because we will continue to work on our relationship.  If you are married or thinking about getting married this is your reminder to do the same.  Work on your relationship and the love will grow.  Your relationship with your partner is the key to experiencing marriage to its fullest.  When we grow we experience all of life to its fullest.   As always, I wish you the best and enjoy the journey!

With Gratitude,

Drew

Division is a choice.

Drew’s Reminder,

     We are all one. Division is a choice.  All religions point to this fact.  Science points to this fact.  Yet we find every reason we cannot fully embrace this fact.  Why is that?  There are too many reasons to list because as individuals we all have our own opinion on the root cause.  As with any opinion they are all debatable.  I’m not here to debate.  I’m here to point out a fact.  We are all one.  Division is a choice. 

    Now don’t get me wrong.  I know the “real world” as we see it.  There are rich people.  There are poor people.  There are mean people.  There are nice people.  There are judgmental people.  There are welcoming people.  There are athletic people.  There are lazy people.  There are handicapped people.  There are people who lack none of their physical senses.  You name it and it exists.  People have their differences.  Yet we are all one.  One nation, one Earth, one Solar System, one Universe.  Embrace that fact.

     By embracing that fact we fully align ourselves with all the universe has to offer.  It is our natural state.  Being divisive is not.  When you align yourself with all the universe has to offer you benefit by becoming more connected.  The more connected you are the more you will realize your expectations and desires.

      Over my life I’ve heard numerous conversations about how the white man did this or the black man did that.  How rich people are like this and how poor people are like that.  As conversation topics to articulate an observation that may be fine.  However, when you start to believe that  “those” people are not one with you, that they are different than you, you run the risk of being divisive yourself. They are people just like you.  They like you have choices.  They have the same power that you have to make choices.  Just as no one can tell you what choices to make, you cannot not know definitively what choices someone else will make.   Therefore don't concentrate on the choices you believe someone else will make.  Focus on what you can control.  You can control your choices.

     I choose to never let someone else take away my power and make me act the way they want me to act.  So if someone calls me a very derogative name that is disrespectful on ever level, I have a choice.  I can get upset and lash back.  I could physically assault that person.  I could get my revenge. Those are all my choices.  Yet I know none of those choices benefit me.  Lashing out at someone does nothing positive for me.  Physically assaulting someone could land me in jail which does nothing positive for me.  Getting revenge does nothing positive for me because it doesn't benefit my life.  It only harms someone else's.  My choice is to keep my mind in a place, that drives the feelings that I desire which leads me to take the actions that will lead to the right results.  It is a difficult challenge at times, however it is always well worth the effort.  

     Remember the formula is and always will be the same.  We have beliefs.  Those beliefs drive our thoughts.  Our thoughts cause our feelings.  Our feelings drive our actions.  Our actions ultimately lead to our results.  We get to choose what results we desire in life.  If you desire to be happy and abundant then you better make sure your beliefs and thoughts will lead you to that state.

     My desire for happiness and abundance is important to me and because of that I'm not going to give anyone else the opportunity to take me off track.  Since we are all one that other person who is trying to take me off track is no different than me. The exception is that they have made choices I am not willing to make.  I cannot control their choices but I can control mine.  My first choice is to look at everyone, man or woman, as one with me.  I do not choose division.  I believe this aligns me with the universe and all it has to offer.  I can only hope that you decide to do the same.  We are all one.  Division is a choice.  Consider yourself reminded and as always, enjoy the journey.


With gratitude,
Drew

The Energy of Love

Drew’s Reminder,

     Love is a gift that keeps on giving.  What do you love?  Who do you love?  Why do you love?  How do you love?  Those are 4 great questions that you should take the time to answer.  Answering these 4 questions is a perfect way to reflect on your life and the beauty within it.  No matter how you answer the questions you will get a benefit from that exercise. 
    
     You see love is the greatest energy known to man.  You may think that the energy from nuclear fission or the thermal energy of the sun would be considered the greatest energy.  Those are both sources of tremendous energy but man never can fully experience the energy of nuclear fission or the thermal energy of the sun and survive. You may experience some fraction of that energy but you won't experience it in totality.  It will always be limited. 
    
     Man can experience love.  You can actually feel that energy.  You can experience it in totality.  You can both give and receive unlimited amounts of it.  The only limiting factor in experiencing it is you.  Right now as you read this blog think of the last time you loved something.  Think about that time when you loved hard or someone loved you hard.  In that moment you felt every joule of energy.  It engulfed you.  It took over your being.  It was the best feeling you ever felt.  It was the most energy you ever consumed.
    
     The holiday season recently ended here in the United States and many other countries.  As part of my family’s tradition we visit my parents and my wife's parents.  Because its tradition to visit both sets of parents during that time we had to split our vacation between the two.  Depending on how you look at it that could be good or bad.  My wife and I both work in corporate America so our vacation is limited.  We actually had to split the vacation up into 3 parts because my wife and I wanted some time to ourselves as well.  With all the weekends included we had a total of 12 days between workdays to spend this great time with family and friends.  That meant 5 days for my parents, 4 days for her parents and 4 days on the end for us which included the weekend before going back to work.  The love I experienced during these 12 days was tremendous.  I couldn't ask for much more.  That energy has me back at work feeling great and ready to take on the world.  The energy from that love has fully charged me to start 2016 off in a great way. 
     
     So what, you may ask, is that love that recharged me during this period of time?  Let me explain some of it.  The first 5 days of the trip were amazing.  My father has been having some health issues and the last time I saw him he just wasn't himself.  When we arrived and he walked out of the house to greet us and I could immediately tell a big difference.  My dad was back.  He looked full of energy.  He looked happy.  It made me happy.  It made me feel the love for my Dad that I always feel but much more intensified.  My Dad has been telling me he loves me as long as I can remember.  Each and every time it makes me feel great to hear it.  Hearing him say it this visit was much more special because he was healthy and energized.  I didn’t have to think about the fact that I wished he was better because he was. 
    
     My Step Mom gave love in her own special way as well.  She's always very giving of her time and effort.  She goes out of her way to make Christmas for me, my wife and the kids special.  However, the greatest love that she gave this holiday period was her expressing how proud she was of us.  Hearing her words on how well she feels we are doing as parents and congratulating us on 20 years of marriage were a true gift of love.  It meant a lot to us. Those are just two examples of feeling love (seeing my father doing so much better) and receiving love (the words expressed by my step mom) in those first 5 days.  I really wished we could have spent more time with them.
     
     On our next trip to my wife's parents house the love continued.  My wife's parents are senior to my parents so it is a little different atmosphere visiting them.  They really love to see the grand kids.  Unfortunately they can't travel often to see us so they don't get to see them as often as they would like.  You can just see it in their eyes how much they really enjoy seeing the kids.  The smiles they have each and every day are warm felt.  My mother in law makes sure we are well fed and even though she's not as mobile as she used to be she doesn't miss a step when caring for us. 
    
     My father in law shows so much interest in the kids’ lives that it becomes inspiring.  He really cares and wants to know all the things that are going on in their lives.  It’s so refreshing to see his curiosity and enchantment as he engages them in conversation.  He plays with them and makes them smile.  In turn it makes him smile.  He has such a great spirit.  Those are two examples of giving love (my mother in law making sure we were well taken care of) and feeling love (watching my father in law interact with his grand kids).  We really enjoyed the time spent with them as well.
     
     The ultimate love I experienced was between my wife and me.  Yes, this could sound like that sappy part where I tell you how much I love my wife of 20 years.  You may be surprised that this example of love included some turmoil.  My wife and I actually had an argument during the holidays.  Of course the holidays are the wrong time to have an argument.  Yet when you think about it, is there ever really ever a good time to have an argument?  The argument wasn't anything major that we couldn't get past but for some reason it really took a toll on us. 
    
     Without going into too much personal detail the argument took a toll on both of us because of love.  We both love each other so much neither of us could really understand how we both felt about the actual situation that caused the argument.  I went into my shell and stopped communicating.  This in turn upset my wife and rightfully so.  I'm a work in progress and that's one thing I'm working on eliminating.  However, love brought us back together.  My wife said 3 simple words to me that made my heart soar.  The love I felt and experienced could never be put into words.  I believe it’s much greater than any nuclear fission or any thermal energy the sun could ever release.  Days later I still feel the energy from those words.
    
     What were those 3 words?  They were "I miss you".  She missed her best friend.  She missed our chemistry.  She missed the energy we share with our love for each other.  Those words meant the world to me.  Hearing her say them about me just hit home in a special way.  Just to know that she feels the same way about me that I feel about her is rewarding.  Even after 20 years I can never take that for granted.  I won’t allow myself to because once you take that for granted you risk the possibility of things becoming stagnant.  I never want that to happen because life without growth isn’t meaningful life.
    
     My heart is still soaring from those words.  I do know if I've ever hugged and kissed her with as much love as I did at that moment.  Maybe I have before but it felt like the best hug and kiss I'd ever given.  Those examples of receiving love (hearing my wife tell me that she missed me) and giving love (hugging her so tight and kissing like I've never kissed before) were the greatest examples of love from my holidays.  There's no other comparable energy on this earth that I can experience as a human being.  It, along with all the other love I experienced has fueled me for a great start of 2016.  My goal now is to continue adding to that fuel.  I must first charge myself up by give love whenever I can.  Second I must continue being aware of my every situation so I don't miss the opportunity of receiving love. 
     
     I'm not much of a New Year resolution guy.  I'm more of a find something I need to do and do it type of guy.  But because it is the beginning of a new year you can look at this as a New Year resolution if you like.  This will be one resolution that I won't quit on.  Love is the most power energy known to man and I plan to receive and give my share of it.  Why wouldn't I when I know it is so abundant?  The holidays just served as a great reminder of that fact.  Consider this your reminder to get and give yours as well.  Enjoy the journey!

With gratitude,
Drew